I’m pissing blood now. my liver and pancreas feel bloated and sickly all the time.

The other day it occurred to me that there were very few days in my 20s when I wasn’t absolutely shit-faced.

I don’t know why I went the route   I did in life. My parents would have sent me to any college. I had more opportunities in life than most, but I squandered it all a way on drinking and partying in my parents basement for over a decade.

If you saw one week of me in my parents basement drinking, drugging and fucking, then you’d be like ‘that looks like one legendary time’!

Yeah, sure, I guess it was a legendary time — no, it wasn’t. Over a decade of basically drinking myself to death and not thinking about anybody but myself.

The classic part is, is that I always thought I was smarter than everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY! Yet here I am at age 34 and possibly dying of organ failure.

So now I have a beautiful 2 month year old daughter, a step son who idolizes me and a girlfriend who is head over heels for me. Which having these lovely children and girlfriend is a paradox. If I had gone to college or sat out and found my true potential in life, then I would have never had met these people, and my daughter would never have been born (this particular one anyway)

I give myself 2 to 3 years before I pass away, and you know what’s going to be going through my head as I lay there and die? — Somebody get me a fucking beer, let’s get this show over with.