I’M DYING.

I’m pissing blood now. my liver and pancreas feel bloated and sickly all the time.

The other day it occurred to me that there were very few days in my 20s when I wasn’t absolutely shit-faced.

I don’t know why I went the route   I did in life. My parents would have sent me to any college. I had more opportunities in life than most, but I squandered it all a way on drinking and partying in my parents basement for over a decade.

If you saw one week of me in my parents basement drinking, drugging and fucking, then you’d be like ‘that looks like one legendary time’!

Yeah, sure, I guess it was a legendary time — no, it wasn’t. Over a decade of basically drinking myself to death and not thinking about anybody but myself.

The classic part is, is that I always thought I was smarter than everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY! Yet here I am at age 34 and possibly dying of organ failure.

So now I have a beautiful 2 month year old daughter, a step son who idolizes me and a girlfriend who is head over heels for me. Which having these lovely children and girlfriend is a paradox. If I had gone to college or sat out and found my true potential in life, then I would have never had met these people, and my daughter would never have been born (this particular one anyway)

I give myself 2 to 3 years before I pass away, and you know what’s going to be going through my head as I lay there and die? — Somebody get me a fucking beer, let’s get this show over with.

  • We would probably get a lot of traffic on this channel if you bite the big one. Martyrdom sells.

    • Bulgingsnake

      WE MUST USE SOCIAL MEDIA!

    • Bulgingsnake

      This channel’s first interview is going up tomorrow. Its on YouTube right now

  • holybagpipes

    Dibs on the helmet.

    • UilickMcGee

      Which one?

      • holybagpipes

        The one that’s nestled away on his noggin.

      • UilickMcGee

        Cool I get the one nestled in his pants.

    • Jerry Eldini

      I get the moped.

  • PQG 1991

    If it’s true, sorry to hear that.

  • Jerry Eldini

    How come your liver isn’t distended? My brother-in-law did the same shit and he has a total beer belly, and it’s not his belly, it’s just his fucked up liver.

    • thereforeiam

      Your brother in law did it backwards.

      • Jerry Eldini

        He wishes, LOLz he has switched to drinking wine but I don’t think it’s helping much. He has a big belly and it’s all liver.

  • thereforeiam

    I’ll bring tequila. If it don’t cure you it’ll kill the worms which are probably your biggest problem.

  • Mr. Perfect

    This for real?
    Partying hard for 10 years won’t kill you. If your for real, I hope you see a doctor. Lots of things are minor.

    I feel you about the regrets. Oh well, you live and learn. I screwed up in my 20s and went back to school in my 30s. It was hard as fvck, but man was it worth it.