Zombeavers (Review)

Release: April 19, 2014
Starring: Rachel Melvin, Cortney Palm, Rex Linn
Rated: R
Runtime: 77 Minutes
Where you can find it: Netflix

Plot:
A pair of dipshit truckers accidentally dump a barrel of green gunk next to some beavers. The goo turns the little critters into blood thirsty Zombeavers! Coincidentally , a gaggle of annoying teens (college kids? IDK) are vacationin at a nearby cabin in the woods. The young ass clowns quickly become the main targets of the buck toothed ghouls. Will the adult-teens survive the night or become beaver food?!received_1551197808235873
My First Thoughts:

Who came up with this dumb idea?! I never heard of a movie plot this dumb in my life. Right from the start you know you are in for a very low brow horror-comedy. I do not really want to call it either, because it is not very scary and every joke falls flat. However, the zombevers are awesome! They are evil bloodthirsty hand puppets! I recommend this movie for these muppet monsters alone!received_1551197881569199

Pros and Cons:

Cons
1. The characters are pretty damn annoying and I couldn’t wait to see them all get butchered by ravenous zombie beavers. At least the girls are cute. received_1551197241569263.jpeg
2. To say that the humor is immature would be an understatement. I have a feeling that most of the dialogue was ad-libbed. Boy does it show.
3. None of the humans are funny.
4. There is a high-school drama sub-plot going on within the group. One douchebag is caught kissing a girl, but he is dating another girl. It also turns out that that two girls are best friends. Blah blah blah. The whole thing was pointless and a waste of time.
5. John Meyer

Pros
1. While a terrible movie, I had fun watching it! I lost count of how many times I yelled at the TV. I was making fun of this super turd from beginning to end. I will never call this a good movie, but I will call it a fun movie.
2. The zombeavers are outrageous. I was laughing my ass off every time they showed up. Another cool thing about them is that they turn all of their victims into zombeaver hybrids. Like, a human would become a zombie, but they would grow a beaver tail and buck teeth. I know that sounds stupid, but I wasn’t expecting that. The zombever hybrids are surprisingly creepy. There is even a Zombeaver-bear!
3. One of the best actors in the movie is little dog that one of the girls brings along. Not once does he bark unfunny dialogue. Too bad he gets turned into zombever chow by the biggest douche of the survivors. The same douche that’s kissing all the girls! Boy was I pissed.
4. Luckily, Mr. Douche gets he dick ripped off by zombeavers! I was on my feet cheering!


5. It has Rex Linn and Brad Burr. I like those guys!


Last thoughts and Score:
I really enjoyed “hating” this film. Watch it with friends to improve the experience.
I give this flick a -3 out of 5. Bad, but fun to watch at least once.

 

 

  • Bulgingsnake

    I watched it while I was popping pills one night. Heck if a good time.

    • Now that is how you watch it!

    • Baby Sister

      wish I was there

  • Beastly beast

    I want to watch this movie. I shall do so one day with some beer and chips!

    • You are gonna need them! I had to watch it sober so I could take notes. Maybe I should do a Drunk Sammy review…

      • Beastly beast

        DRUNK SAM REVIEWS!

        this should indeed be a thing!

      • I’m thinking about adding a podcast to my reviews. That could be a good first episode…we shall see.

      • thereforeiam

        You goddam right . Drunk Sam reviews should be a thing.

      • Maybe it will…Maybe it will…

  • Jokes Teller

    Do you only review Netflix movies Sam? Check out “Night of Something Strange”. I’m not sure if it’s on Netflix but if you’re a streamer I suggest you check it out. It embodies many things which TGO Is all about. ie. assblasting, STD’s and necrophilia.

    https://youtu.be/y2CMypNIX8Y

    • I am going to put this on the top of my list!

      I review whatever I can find. I have Hulu, Netflix, Amazon, Stars, Funamation, and Crunchyroll. Zombeavers was my first “request review.”

      • Jokes Teller

        Noice!

      • I have 2 reviews in the works right now. I’m thinking “Night of Something Strange” will be after them. I’m totally on board for that, even if I have to rent it.

      • Jokes Teller

        Sounds good.

      • holybagpipes

        Can you do “Cannibal Holoucast” next?

      • Nope. Maybe.

      • holybagpipes

        I’ll take that as a yessity yes.

      • Possibly

  • Hot! VERY hot! 😜

  • I seriously cannot wait to see this!

    X’D

    • Forgive me…

      • Have you seen Zombie Strippers? If not, You MUST WATCH IT!!! That movies was SOOO BAD!!!!

        X”D

  • Villain

    I’ll probably watch this if I come over it someday. Amazon Prime and Netflix in Canada doesn’t have as much stuff as the American one. We only got Amazon here a few months ago.

    • For real? Amazon has good stuff.

      • Villain

        There’s some decent stuff on it but I doubt the catalogue is as extensive as in the US.

  • PQG 1991

    I watched it like a year ago or so… I had fun and I laughed but it’s definitely not worth a second watch. Except if you are drunk or high, then it’s the right kind of movie to watch…

    • I agree. I’ll never watch this again unless I have friends and booze.

  • Arphemius

    “They’ll ‘dam’ you to hell.”

    I actually laughed out loud at that pun. Well played, Zombeaver, well played.