I SPREAD MY BUTT HOLE CHEEKS WHEN I WIPE MY ASS, BUT SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPENED TODAY!

As I was standing with my butt hole cheeks spread apart and wiping, I accidentally dropped the toilet paper on my right sandal (a sandal is foot wear).

Well, poop-matter got on my sandal…. BAM! — GOD BUSTED DOWN THE DOOR AND LICKED THE POOP CLEAN OFF!

My right sandal is sparkling now.

God asked if I’d do the same thing for him if needed be. I said “get the fuck out of the bathroom, I’m bladder shy”.