I JUST GOT TOTALLY RAPED BY THE AMERICAN BIRD!

I CAN’T FUCKING WIN!

I was just outside being patriotic, I had sparklers in my hand and I was saluting the USA flag…. BAM, TOTAL RAPE!

THE USA BIRD CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND ASS BLASTED ME!

My son Cockroach is stitching up my butt hole as I type this.

I didn’t realize getting raped by animals was such a common event.

 

  • You should be proud of your son.

    • Bulgingsnake

      He’s getting pretty good at stitching me up since nature is always giving me the total rape.

  • Villain

    I’d be honored to give an eagle my anus.

  • PQG 1991

    Seriously man, you should be thinking of making a rape revenge film against nature

  • Mr. Perfect

    Be careful when Thanksgiving comes. Turkeys are everywhere. They’ll rip up your cornhole!

    • Bulgingsnake

      Shit bro, I doubt I can handle much more total rape. I’m staying inside from now on.

  • thereforeiam

    Since we got rid of the DDT the ass raping birds are making a huge comeback threatening patriots everywhere.

    • Bulgingsnake

      And I thought that chemical was to prevent total rape in the first place!?!?!

      • thereforeiam

        It was to stop giant ass cockroaches from raping.

  • Andronymous

    That’s so hawt. Did it give you a “feather duster” at least?

  • Mystical_Me

    Those talons must have hurt more than its little pecker.