THE HARDEST PART OF MY SOBRIETY

I started drinking around age 16, I’m 34 now.

When you’re always intoxicated you don’t really have a handle on honest human emotions (like sympathy, compassion Etc). Those emotions are still there, but they are in a cloud of fog, never really reaching the true potential of what they’re designed for.

So, when you’ve been shit faced most of your life and you start to sober up, a flood gate of emotions are released on you. Over a decade of me losing people to death, me fucking over people over, every bad thing I’ve ever done hits me like a bag of bricks all at once. This my friends is one heavy feeling. And because of this weight on my soul I crave liquor and drugs.

I no longer crave intoxication for the enjoyment of it, but rather too medicate my conscience.

I’ll say one thing though, my brain is starting to get mighty fucking ambitious all the sudden.

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  • Steve

    If only…

  • thereforeiam

    But it’ll make you forget the question, amirite?

  • thereforeiam

    Switch to binge drinking on a schedule and begin apologizing a week ahead of time. After two days of apologizing my wife gets sick of it and gives me permission to start early.

  • Louie

    Post a baby update snake.

  • Jerry Eldini

    Well Snake, if I didn’t know darn well that you are perpetually WINNING and that you are also on the high end of the spectrum of the Lucier attractiveness scale I might be a little bit worried about you after reading this, but because I am “in the know” I am not. I will say this though, mind altering substances will rodger you roundly if you are not careful and it really only takes one person to change a lightbulb, but the light bulb has to want to change Bulge.

  • Jerry Eldini

    wurd

  • Bulgingsnake

    Shit, I’ve been to AA hundreds of times

  • Mr. Perfect

    Go to AA if you think you need to, man. I’ve been a guest to one before, and it seems like a good support group. It isn’t just for people that have been ordered to go by courts. It’s for anyone who thinks they have a problem and just need to talk to like-minded people. I came close to joining myself years later. I was at that point where I always had to drink more and more. Couldn’t do anything without drinking, and my wife almost left me. Do what you have to do to get past it because it just gets worse.

  • Krimsen King

    HA……… everything in moderation 😉

  • Bulgingsnake

    Don’t count the hamsters till you let them out of the cage.

  • Bulgingsnake

    The denial stopped around age 25, that’s when the addiction went full throttle. The harder I tried to quit, the worst it got.

  • Mr. Perfect

    No matter what, drinking too much is pure idiocy. The important thing is that you know that it isn’t right and that it needs to be fixed. Lots of people spend all their lives in denial.

  • Bulgingsnake

    The thing is though, I’ve been blessed in nearly every aspect of life. I never needed to drink, I’m just an idiot

  • Steve

    Alcohol isn’t the answer, but neither is milk.

  • Krimsen King

    good for you.

  • Mr. Perfect

    I binged drinked for several years due to self-medicating and sometimes wonder if I met the clinical definition of an alcoholic at that time. I’m better now and drink moderately, but I wish I never went down that road. It made bad things worse. Life has sh*tty parts for all of us, but drinking it away isn’t the answer. We all have to learn and grow from whatever it is that happened. It’s what makes us better dads, husbands, friends, etc. It’s what makes us better people. Drinking it away just makes tons of problems.

  • Steve

    Sobriety is best utilized in moderation.

  • Bulgingsnake

    Yeah

  • Villain

    Drinking is so much easier than dealing with all that conflict. Its also a lot easier to meet good people when you’re drunk.

  • RockMomster

    Pqg is right. If you focus on the site and things must important to you.. you’ll be great and sober 🙂

  • Know that feel bro. It is as if I wrote this.

  • Agreed.

  • PQG 1991

    Well, I’m sorry you have to go through that kind of stuff but concentrate on that ambition and you’ll make this site even greater than it already is, and your other projects will certainly be successful as well!