I started drinking around age 16, I’m 34 now.
When you’re always intoxicated you don’t really have a handle on honest human emotions (like sympathy, compassion Etc). Those emotions are still there, but they are in a cloud of fog, never really reaching the true potential of what they’re designed for.
So, when you’ve been shit faced most of your life and you start to sober up, a flood gate of emotions are released on you. Over a decade of me losing people to death, me fucking over people over, every bad thing I’ve ever done hits me like a bag of bricks all at once. This my friends is one heavy feeling. And because of this weight on my soul I crave liquor and drugs.
I no longer crave intoxication for the enjoyment of it, but rather too medicate my conscience.
I’ll say one thing though, my brain is starting to get mighty fucking ambitious all the sudden.