Here’s some tips to become a god at multiplayer

Ah, multiplayer. The true gentleman’s game. Where screaming seven year olds fling profanities regarding the sexualities of someone’s mother while your score has gone into the negative and you’re about to rage quit. But fret not! Here at The Great Outdoorsman, we’ll give you several tips to become the ultimate multiplayer badass.

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“Haha! Get rekt skrub!” “Thank you kindly good sir!”

1. Play with people who suck more than you.

Facing off against players with more than a thousand hours of experience generally isn’t a good idea. So train yourself against other opponents such as toddlers, disabled people, small animals and the elderly. Slowly climbing up this ladder will get you closer to multiplayer godhood.

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“This guy’s unstoppable! He must be pro! Also I need a diaper change, brb.”

2. Trick them into thinking that you suck

I’ve been playing with Raymond for six months now and I make mistakes like not aiming, reloading or taking cover. Little does Raymond know that I’m secretly training myself to let his guard down. Oh, what hollow victories they were! Once I carry out my master plan, Raymond will know what it feels like to be defeated by a true multiplayer god.

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Here’s Raymond and me post-match.

3. Focus solely on a single opponent

Multiplayer games have mobs of players and they’re all running around but you can easily lose track. But if you can spot a player tag, concentrate solely on him and him alone. Your kamikaze style attacks will easily throw him off balance since he knows that someone’s hunting him. His concentration will lapse while he’s distracted with other players and you can easily close in for the kill(after several attempts).

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“That must’ve been the 20th time I killed that guy. Fucking newbs…OH SWEET JESUS HE’S HERE AGAIN!!!”

4. Use tactics to confuse other players!

So like I said, you’ll face off against players with more than a thousand hours of experience and you’ve just gotten used to the controls. Your teammates will be screaming at you for not doing your job but you can make the enemy team feel that they are not worthy fighting you. Run at them in circles not harming anyone! Stare at a drywall for five minutes or remain fixated on your teammate’s buttocks. Seeing this behavior will most likely disgust your opponents. This will force them to quit thus granting you an automatic victory!

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“I’ve got your six.”

5. If all else fails pull out.

There nothing else worse than a match that’s going down the toilet bowl. In case you need to skedaddle without losing your dignity, it’s best you let everyone else know the reason why you’re disconnected. Prime examples include – “Uhm guys a tornado’s near my house”, “My cat’s caught in the air conditioner again” or “My mother just collapsed”.

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“Guys an suv just ran into my house.” “Yeah, right.”

 

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  • holybagpipes

    WHOLESOME!

  • Bulgingsnake

    AWESOME!