I was just outside car watching, when BAM! — A GODDAMN ARMADILLO AMBUSHED ME!

The armadillo tackled me to the ground and whispered in my ear ‘you’re going to take everything I give you to take’.

Total horror crept over me as I was totally raped for 8 hours straight!

I’m getting stitched up as I type this.

There is no shame in coming out when you’ve been sexually assaulted by an animal.