I’ve told this story before, but I feel it needs to be told again. It’s classic!


About 2 years ago I was on one of my drinking binges. I was waisted one night (drinking Tennessee whisky)… Anyway, I was so fucking drunk that I couldn’t leave the couch, so I was pissing in empty bottles when I had to ‘go’.

After my 3 week drinking spree was over, I detoxed for several days, then started cleaning everything up (all the beer cans & liquor bottles).

There was one full whisky bottle left, I couldn’t bring myself to pour it out.

There was this homeless guy down the street from where I was living. This guy was always going through garbage for cigarettes and miscellaneous objects. So, back to the whisky bottle I couldn’t throw out…

I decide to give the one bottle of Tennessee whisky I had left to the homeless man. I pull up in my car to this dude and give him the bottle of whisky. His face lights up when he realizes he’s about to get his buzz on. This homeless guy praises me over & over, then I drive back home.

As I’m sitting on the couch playing video games I see a glimmer of light behind a chair to my left. I check it out, it’s a bottle of Tennessee Whisky. It hits me instantly that I just gave a homeless man a bottle of my urine.


I drank that bottle of whisky that I found behind the chair to my left.

I made that homeless guy my bitch.