Alcoholics can eat!

Alcoholics can be seriously frustrating. I say this from experience.. not even just past experiences… current.. this is currently happening at the BS house.

An alcoholic is least obnoxious when they are drinking.. it’s after that sucks balls. In the last 48 hours I’ve had to deal with classic alcoholic behavior.

1. Alcoholics claim they are in fact.. not alcoholics… while they get into a drunken argument with you ending in “you’re chubby” as a comeback. Classic. You’re clearly running on all cylinders.

2. Even the most germophobe people will piss all over the damn toilet seat when they’ve had a few too many. The man who doesn’t like to fart inside his own pants during the day, because ya know, “poop particles”, will leave a bathroom looking like R Kelly had a one night stand with it. (I literally sat in a puddle of piss at 2 a.m. ….disgusting.)

3. The most obnoxious of all facts about the alcoholic…. they never stop fvcking eating! Especially when they are starting to sober up! If at first you can’t drink your worries away… eat them. I guess. I have no idea why else they would eat everything in the fridge with or without and expiration date on it.

I cooked a big pack of sausages last night, and made pasta sauce and pasta for dinner (with sausages and steak in the sauce). My plan is always to use those sausages for two dinners. Not this time! Captain ‘Snake was in town! He not only ate a few last night at dinner… but then ate another 6 (that’s, six, for those of you that still don’t understand.. that’s 1.2.3.4.5.6! llllll <- that many.) … he then proceeded to dig through the leftover pasta sauce to eat all the meat-leavins left in there too! (And I don’t even know if he remembers he is hiding a slice of pepperoni pizza inside of a Chinese takeout container!)

To my surprise there were no sausages left in the fridge.. or the sauce… or the house. BS strikes again! …to top it off… he left the evidence (an empty ziplock bag) on our kitchen table as a trophy for beating us to it.. I guess. Psychological warfare.

 

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  • Mr. Perfect

    Guys, I think Snake is in trouble.
    Those better have been good sausages.

    • RockMomster

      He complained about them first… that’s his thing, complaining.. that didn’t stop him from deepthroating a dozen of them fbt

      • Mr. Perfect

        Is there anything that Snake won’t deepthroat?

      • RockMomster

        Solid point

      • One Mat Gang

        If he complained but still took the time to devour them it shows how much he really cares. You are a lucky gal Mrs. Snake

      • RockMomster

        Oh you just reminded me that he only proposes to me when he’s been drinking lol

      • One Mat Gang

        All the better reason to keep him constantly intoxicated.

      • Jerry Eldini

        The complaints were most likely some form of subtle manipulation to put the idea into your head that they didn’t really taste that great, therefore causing you to not work up much of an appetite for them hence you not eating that much of the sausage which in turn leaves more for Bulge to scarf down.

      • RockMomster

        Bastard!

      • Jerry Eldini

        Sorry for giving up trade secrets Snake! LOLz

  • holybagpipes

    Leaving food in the fridge is probably your first mistake.

  • Bulgingsnake

    It’s called winning my love

    • RockMomster

      You’re like the hamburglar.. but with sausages

    • UilickMcGee
      • Bulgingsnake

        PERFECT! YOU THE MAN

  • UilickMcGee

    It saddens me to think of all the countless millions of homes without a Bulge in them…

  • These are some pretty steep accusations. Do you have any proof that Snake actually did what you are saying?

  • Steve

    Man can’t live on beer alone.

    • UilickMcGee

      Challenge accepted.

      • RockMomster

        You can in fact. Live on beer alone my grandpa did for a year or so. He use to drink a 30something case of bud and eat a cheese sandwich.. then one day just decided… f the sandwich and only drank what he called “vitamin b”

      • One Mat Gang

        If you drink without eating you get too skinny. You need those binge meals at 3 am to keep the skinny with a beer gut look.

    • Mr. Perfect

      Bullsh*t. It has carbs and antioxidants.

    • Dave79

      Hops and barely are grains…so technically beer is in the RDA food pyramid!

      • pez

        I will tell you this…all the men I know who drink beer have good hair.

  • Jokes Teller

    Did he at least have the courtesy of giving you a dutch oven when he slipped into bed, so you could smell the sausages one last time?

    • RockMomster

      He usually is a couch warrior.

  • PQG 1991

    It’s good to have little children in the house so you can blame them for everything

  • Dave79

    Who the frick can eat six sausages? I’d suspect two or three of ’em are wedged in his butthole.