Picture this… a hot July day in southwest Florida. The sun is out, the heat is blistering, there was lust in the air. It was damp, and gross… it felt like bad decisions and 200% humidity …. the enchanting first time Bulgingsnake and I banged.

I don’t remember a lot of details about how we got to the point of “abouttofuckdum” but I’ll never forget the actual blasting. BS was in heat.. and I was “hurtin” as he so romantically puts it. We were in his parents house, no one was home yet. I had skanky jersey girl fried blonde hair and a mini skirt and about 3 lbs of makeup to hide my insecurities.. and BS had a plan to get his bang on.

We probably made out… because that’s what most people do. (Later I find out that BS loathes kissing and just about anything remotely sensual because he things it’s “bullshit”). So we got done with the bullshit making out and BS was all like “let’s bone!” (I’m paraphrasing because I don’t really remember but it sounds like his style so go with it). And I was all like “oh my lawwwd  we mus’nt, not here, not this way” (I have no factual proof of that coming out of my mouth either) and he was all peerpressurey, like, “cmon baby let’s get my nuts off” and I was all *drops panties*.

There we were… panties on the floor and I start to assume the position on his parents’ couch in their tv room when BS told me we had to bang in front of the window. Why you ask? Because he was so insanely paranoid about when his dad would be coming home! He didn’t want to get caught with his pants down so his masterplan was for me to keep watch for his father… who I had not yet met…. while he went to town… with me….     :pause for dramatization:

…… looking out the FRONT WINDOW OF HIS PARENTS HOUSE. Yes.. front window

…. as in, anyone walking by could see us. Front window.

It was the least romantic thing ever but it got the job done …. for him. I’m not sure how most guys go about foreplay, but asking a girl you are starting to see  if she will let you rail her while her face is smacking into the screen of the open front window if your parents TV room so they can be a lookout for your father that she would meet for the first time really isn’t all that cum-inducing … just saying. I was so worried that I’d fail my mission like the sailors on the Titanic who spotted the iceberg too late. … (but ya know… if they were taking it doggy style). Chivalry isn’t dead though… he wiped me off when he was done.

…we’re pretty legendary in the fornication department. That was our epic first time.

The end