MY MOUTH ACCIDENTALLY LANDED ON JESUS’ DONG LAST NIGHT!

I died in my sleep last night for several minutes before my dog brought me back to life.

Anyway, as I was in heaven about to be judged, Jesus was next to God whacking off! I played my cool and went up to shake gods hand. Well, like a stupid dumb dumb, I tripped and my mouth landed on JC’s cock and balls!

God looked pissed, nobody blows his number 1 butt-buddy!

Right when god was about to send me back to earth (since Lucifer doesn’t want me either) I woke up to my dog resuscitating me with snout to cock fellatio!

Close call!

  • One Mat Gang

    Good thing he didn’t bust a load. You don’t want a baby Jesus growing in your mouth

    • Raythedevil

      Or in his small intestines.

  • Steve

    Ok. I’m gonna need 3 yards of purple yarn, a tapioca pudding cup, a vasectomy and a bottle of ibuprofen.

    • Bulgingsnake

      I’m not a goddamn mind-reader, I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

      • Steve

        Crap. Too late. She got out of the duct tape.

        I’ll try again next Thursday.

  • UilickMcGee
    • Bulgingsnake

      Me and Dana want you to be Quinn’s Godfather…

      • UilickMcGee

        I’m on it, until I’m dead or you find someone better! Thank you.

        https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/b945a44027606717f07fa1bec5195e98a92d117248a760c1bd57e8e03d0f2536.gif

      • Bulgingsnake

        Are you Catholic?

      • UilickMcGee

        I was baptised Catholic, and I don’t dispute the idea of a God. I just don’t subscribe to formal Catholic teachings or Catholic dogma however, and so I don’t practice.

        I believe in being a decent guy, within the confines of the law and good taste.

      • Bulgingsnake

        Perfect! Dana is Catholic too, she wouldn’t have it any other way. We need to figure out how to get you over here for the ceremony

      • UilickMcGee

        When? Do you have a month in mind?

        Also, is this actually serious?
        Obviously your word is gold, but you’re also an accomplished practical joker.

      • Bulgingsnake

        Several months, and I’m serious. But that would be classic if you showed up in Florida and it was a big hoax!

      • UilickMcGee

        Cool. I’ll see what I can wangle with work. Let me know as soon as you have a rough date,

      • Bulgingsnake

        That’s a 10-4

      • Raythedevil

        Unfortunately, 10-4 is out…that was last week.

      • Bulgingsnake

        Big time

      • Baby Sister

        have a whole bunch of people that can take care of your kids in case something bad happens cause foster is not where u want them 2 go!! trust me on that

      • Howdy Doody ✅ TROLL hunter

        You are supposed to circumcise at 8 days old… you are in violation to the law..

  • Mr. Perfect

    Bullshit. We all know you went for that on purpose.

    • Bulgingsnake

      Can’t get anything past this guy!

  • Howdy Doody ✅ TROLL hunter
  • mikezippy

    There are no accidents just the will of God.

  • Raythedevil

    Well, that’s what you get for having a female dog…if she’d been a male, he could have done it the other way.

  • Baby Sister

    i’m glad your alive and back with us snake!!