A TCM happened tonight

After work I decided to take a much-needed poop. While sitting on the porcelain throne, I decide to whip out my phone to check out TGO. I was delighted to see a classic bulging  “click to see” post. It went well with the meatball sub I had earlier today…

I digress. Upon arriving home after my dump, I quickly realized I left my phone in the handicap stall of Walmart bathroom at the back of the store!!! I was petrified. I rushed back to Walmart to discover my phone was gone! I was devastated…Someone had stolen my phone…

However, that was not the case! I soon discovered a good Samaritan found my phone and gave it to the Walmart lost & found. He could have easily stolen my phone and ripped off all of my dank TGO memes.

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Thank you mysterious stranger. Thank you Tom Cruise for watching over us and keeping my phone and memes safe from Corgans.

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  • Mr. Perfect

    Thanks, Tom Cruise!

  • Thomas Cruise

    The greatest artists are the ones least appreciated in their own time. It’s just a sign I’m getting better with age. It’s also a sign that you aren’t paying the mere $12 per ticket and $40 per snack bar trip to see my movies anymore Sam. Why is that Sam?

  • Thomas Cruise

    Not really. I’ve been stalking Sam for awhile now, and when I noticed his phone sitting next to his puddle of what could’ve been future baby daddy drama on the restroom floor, I picked it up, collected his sample in my “Sam DNA” vile, and dropped the phone off at Customer Service on the way out.

  • Thomas Cruise

    You’re welcome.

  • Howdy Doody ✅ CONSERVATIVE
  • One Mat Gang

    I clearly stated it’s called A Man In A Hammock. You make a hammock out of toilet paper and the man isn’t a man. It’s poop. I hope this clarifies things

  • Mr. Perfect

    Have faith, Samuel-san.


  • He knows how to ABC. Too bad he can’t work his magic on his decreasin box office. 🙁

  • I was definitely 1 in 5.

  • Same. They was to steal out poo and repackage it as mystery meat.

  • That’s what I was was worried about. I have tons of chicks giving bjs saved for my LTD memes. https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/a69433b9106b9bb9edab8eec8819c2013e1fb65dc6682bde1e37168d54598971.png

  • I used to tape my phone to my head when I was in high school .

  • That’s really immature. I can’t believe Walmart puts locks on them. What Corrigans!

  • Good advice. Doing it

  • Steve

    I think Wal Mart plays a brown note in their stores; I always have to sh1t when I shop there.

  • mikezippy

    Bathroom phone loses is a quiet crime. Many people don’t realize that 1 in 5 of us will leave our phones on top of the toilet paper holder and 1 in 5 of those 1 in 5 will have their phones taken. 1 in 5 of those will then search several bathrooms in hopes in finding a new phone to replace the old which keeps the cycle going.

  • Mr. Perfect

    Tom Cruise works in mysterious ways.

  • One Mat Gang

    The amount of Bulgingsnake related dick pics on my phone may be a hard thing to explain to someone. It’s in the name of comedy! Don’t you judge me, Don’t you DARE judge me!

  • One Mat Gang
  • I started to take upper decker shits in Walmart and now they put locks on the back so you can’t lift it.

  • Howdy Doody ✅ CONSERVATIVE
  • Howdy Doody ✅ CONSERVATIVE

    We got the security camera footage of your benefactor here right before he ran your phone up & down and up & down the crack of his ass

  • Then you are doing it right.

  • Jokes Teller

    The only thing I find in Walmart bathroom stalls are blumpkin aficionados.

  • UilickMcGee

    I would still change a few passwords, just to be safe. But yeah, lucky you and kudos to the good egg in Walmart.