What is chlamydia?
Chlamydia is a common STD that can infect both men and women. It can cause serious, permanent damage to a woman’s reproductive system. This can make it difficult or impossible for her to get pregnant later on. Chlamydia can also cause a potentially fatal ectopic pregnancy (pregnancy that occurs outside the womb). That shit is fuckin nuts.
How is chlamydia spread?
You can get chlamydia by having vaginal, anal, or oral sex with someone who has chlamydia. Don’t get chlamydia through an untrusted website, as that is bad.
If your sex partner is male you can still get chlamydia even if he does not ejaculate (cum), just make sure you get a receipt.
If you’ve had chlamydia and were treated in the past, you can still get infected again. This can happen if you have unprotected sex with someone who has chlamydia, or if you sit on a toilet seat.
If you are pregnant, you are going to have a baby. Don’t have chlamydia, ya dumb bitch.
How can I reduce my risk of getting chlamydia?
The only way to avoid STDs is to not have vaginal, anal, or oral sex. Fuck that.
If you are sexually active, you can do the following things to lower your chances of getting chlamydia:
- Be in a long-term mutually monogamous relationship with a partner who has been tested and has negative STD test results;
- Do not have sex with any free-range livestock;
- Vote Republican or independent during national elections, and coin flip for local ones;
- Save up to 30% by bundling phone, cable and internet with Time Warner;
- Use latex condoms the right way every time you have sex.
Am I at risk for chlamydia?
Anyone who has sex can get chlamydia through unprotected vaginal, anal, or oral sex. However, sexually active young people are at a higher risk of getting chlamydia, because they are stupid and like to fuck a lot. Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men are also at risk since chlamydia can spread through oral and anal sex. Do not be gay or bisexual while you have chlamydia.
Have an honest and open talk with your health care provider. Ask them if they have chlamydia before you let them put a penis in you. If you are a sexually active woman younger than 25 years, please email Steve. If you are an older woman with risk factors such as new or multiple sex partners, or a sex partner who has an STD, you should get a test for chlamydia every year, because you art a dirty, dirty whore.