A struggling screenwriter inadvertently becomes entangled in the Los Angeles criminal underworld after his oddball friends kidnap a gangster’s beloved Shih Tzu.

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Ok, there’s more to it than that. Collin Farrell plays a drunken writer with a script idea: Seven Psychopaths. His friend Billy, played by the Hammer-like god Sam Rockwell, is dying to help. Justin Hammer steals dogs and collects rewards for them with Christopher Walken’s character, Hans. You find out soon that they are financing Hans’ wife’s breast cancer treatments with this money, so it’s totally ok. That is, until Chuck Freakin Barris steals a little dog named Bonny.

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Bonny belongs to Woody Harelson’s character, named Fucktard (probably not his name, he plays a mafia guy with a broken gun). Fucktard takes his dog walker, Precious, kidnaps her, calls her fat a few times and tries to shoot her before he finds out that someone has been stealing dogs. then he let’s her go.

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Fucktard sends the guy who played Leo’s cousin in Departed out to find out what’s what. Cuz tracks down Hans, and gets him to give up the address of where he keeps the dogs. Cuz and some red-shirt mafia guy drag Hans into the room where Drunky McWriterton is trying to nap off the night before. Just before the shit goes all the way down, BAMMO! Some dude in a red mask comes in and shoots the mafia guys, and then tosses a Jack of Diamonds on each one (he was picked as psychopath no. 1 from his newspaper story).

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Then some shit happens, a guy with a rabbit played by Tom Waits confesses to murdering several serial killers over the years with his ex, Fucktard goes to the cancer ward and kills Hans wife (black Gretel?), Billy goes limp trying to fuck Fucktard’s super hot girlfirend, then shoots her, and then calls an ambulance. HOLY SHIT, HE’S THE FUCKIN GUY!

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She doesn’t speak Vietnamese, but her tits know the universal language. This movie is very into not being into itself. Christopher Walken is weird, but not play-with-your-poop weird.

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Did I mention Tom Waits carries a rabbit around with him? Yeah, it’s that kinda party, Hoss!

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So with all the killing, and violence, and blatant racism, and rampant mistreatment of women, you’d think this was a shoot-em-up revenge flick, right? WORNG! It’s a love story.

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No one fucks the dogs, though. That is not good entertainment.

I find the movie very entertaining, as throughout the whole movie, people who have confessed to horrible acts of revenge take time out of their dialog to counsel Collin Farrell about his drinking.

Have you seen this movie? What did you think?