WASHINGTON—TGO Chairman Bulgingsnake said the economy’s prospects have brightened in recent months, indicating that he is about to take it up his pooper in an epic gangbang this year. Snake also said Johnny Weir has already received an invite as a potential Gay Sunday ambassador.
“My personal outlook for Gay Sunday has strengthened since December,” he told members of the House Financial Fags and Fairies Committee on Tuesday in his first Capitol Hill appearance.
‘Hi, Bulgingsnake here!’, Snake opened his remarks. ‘It’s time that TGO have a t-shirt. All the big sites have t-shirts. *fart* I’m so sexy. I’m so god damned sexy that an old lady asked me if I wanted to suck her saggy, old titties. I banged her husband’s poop hole instead. Oh. What was I talking about again? It’s not important! Anyway….’
Many investors took his comments as a sign of increased gayness and have bought TGO pink sheets on the over-the-counter market. For those of you, WHO ARE NOT IN THE KNOW, that is the part of the porn shop where they let you buy the porn magazines that were spunked on in the bathroom before they could be purchased.
When asked for comment, Nancy Pelosi said that she was ‘that old lady’ and expressed disappointment in Snake for choosing her husband over her.