STAR WARS EPISODE 9: THE ONLY WAY IT CAN REDEEM THE NEW TRILOGY

Like a drunk man staring at fat chick, when I first saw episode 8 I had the proverbial Star Wars goggles on, I sort of liked what I was seeing. Goddamn, when I sobered up I couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of bed and forget the whole nasty experience!

I even liked B rated Attack Of The Clones more than The Last Jedi, at least Attack actually felt like a Star Wars flick.

People say how original episode 8 is, that’s always their go to argument. Two years before it came out I was writing articals about how Rey would be tempted by Kylo to join but she’d refuse, and that Luke would die…. Looky Looky, looks like your pal Bulgingsnake was right.

The only way episode 8 would have kicked ass is if Rey joined Kylo and Luke had to kill both of them. That probably isn’t an original concept, but it’s hella’ fucking cooler than Rian Johnson’s bull shit story. An old Jedi taking on 2 young, idealistic punks is badass, trust me.

Like I called the story in episode 8, I will now call the story in episode 9. Disney has these two concepts in their head….

1. Rey convinces Kylo to join the light side and the movie ends with them having babies, the camera zooms in on the 2 newborns (When the camera zooms in on the 2 newborns this is insinuating that “here we go again”, the light side and dark side).

2. Rey kills Kylo. Disney will probably go with this concept over the first concept because they feel it’s edgier.

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NOW BACK ON TOPIC: THE ONLY WAY EPISODE 9 CAN REDEEM THE NEW TRILOGY

The final duel between Rey & Kylo. Kylo doesn’t put his light saber through Rey’s chest or stomach in which this would give Rey time to say her last words (the usual Hollywood tropes). Nope, instead kylo straight up cuts her head off and the audience’s jaws drop.

Right before the credits roll, Kylo is standing on his souped-up Star Destroyer with a look on his face that says “I’m about to fuck this galaxy up”.

This ending would leave it open for another trilogy. A young dark emperor (Kylo) ruling the Galaxy much longer than Palpatine ever did. Then a new hero would have to rise, preferably a cool hero that isn’t invincible and isn’t a Disney princess.

Star Wars is a goddamn guy movie!

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Did I mention that Rey gets decapitated?