Boats And Ho’s

The times they are a changing. This past weekend I attended an annual camping/boating trip with a few friends at The Great Valley Regatta. This was our 15th consecutive year taking part of the event. Over the course of the last decade and a half I have watched the event grow, balloon, explode, then reel itself back in a bit. In 2003, the social climate was different. Yelling “show me your tits!” to every women you saw in a canoe was the standard practice. At the Regatta, creek titties were everywhere back then. Big tits, small tits, old tits, muddy tits…you saw it all. The event was a wild affair.

You camp Friday through Sunday with a 10 mile boat trip on Saturday. There are 4 check points along the way. At each stop there is keg beer. Traditionally there would be adult entertainment at stop 3. This was provided by a local strip joint. Sounds great, until you saw the ladies. I think they were ladies. These were bottom of the barrel type of females. Missing teeth and beer guts were all these women had going for them. They would get in the back of a pickup truck and gyrate around like they were having a seizure. Sexy stuff. Then people would throw money or beads at them. Or in mine and my friends case, we would throw vile insults and commentary at them. “Show us your butthole!” “Make it wink where it stinks!” And “Your dad must be proud!” were some of my best lines. My favorite memory was watching this pig doing this Elvis jiggle then doing a face plant off the back of the truck. Don’t worry, I’m sure mud wasn’t the dirtiest thing in her mouth that day. In those days you got to see it all. People having sex in a field, girls pooping in public, and gratuitous nudity. It was all harmless fun. It was a local treasure. Unknown to people outside of the region. Then it all changed with one documentary

This great little video brought out another group of people who didn’t understand many of the subtle unwritten rules of the event. The town owns the waterway, but the property around it is private property that the land owners give permission to use. This is all vast farm land. People brought ATV’s and tore up the ground, secluded outbuildings were vandalized, and garbage was left everywhere.

Luckily a few things happened to curb these events. It became obvious that without change the event was doomed to die. People started policing the event themselves. People were being held accountable, and an actual police presence became standard. Also, they stopped letting so many people participate. The number of campsites were reduced by 1/3rd. And finally there was a couple year stretch where the weather was brutal. Three years ago i canoed in a snow suit. The bad weather chased away the idiots that came there and had no clue about camping. I had to teach several people how to start a fire. Yes, pouring gas onto a piled bags of garbage will work, but there are better ways. Like starting with small kindling and newspaper then working up to split wood.

So that brings us to 2018 Regatta. It is miles from where it was when I first started going. This was the most mild Regatta I’ve attended yet. While that’s not necessarily all bad. The weather was great Saturday. It was nice that there were less morons to deal with. But there was also no creek whores, creek titties, or field dumps. Just average drunken shenanigans. Now days yelling at women to show their tits is called sexual harassment, not harmless fun.

Being on Cinco de Mayo there were many fake Mexicans


And other assorted characters

Friday started out good. We had friendly neighbors in the campground

A nice view of the valley

Then a gully washer blew in and we were camper bound for a few hours

The skies cleared by 9 pm. Then we were able to resume our chemical and alcohol fueled fun outdoors

After the boating Saturday you go to the fire hall for a chicken dinner. Amazingly it was here that I witnessed one of the few fights I’ve ever seen at Regatta. We were waiting in line and some drunkard wandered by and started throwing fruit salad at people in line. This hippie dude got hit with grapes and started yelling at the guy who threw it. That guy invited Mr. Hippie to tangle. Hippie guy charged at fruit salad guy but he stumbled, his hippie sandal fell off and he tripped and did a face plant on the concrete. Ok, not so much a fight, but a hippie knocking himself out. Classic stuff.

Despite the mellow atmosphere, I will be back next year. And every year going forward that I’m still sucking air. It’s good to get outside of your comfortable existence. Live in the mud for a few days. When you return home a shower and a dump on a real toilet seen like pure luxury.

Are there any events in your life that you’ve witnessed change due to the PC climate in the world today?