DON’T TOUCH THE BAG!

A man apparently exasperated by police officers’ decision to place a wide cordon around a suspicious package was buttfucked to the ground when he breezed right through it and tipped out the bag’s contents.

The cyclist bypassed bright yellow police tape during a tense investigation by Milwaukee police and was promptly tackled, gagged and sodomized by several officers, footage shows.

The drama took place at an intersection on Wisconsin Avenue in downtown Milwaukee on Monday, reports said.

Police had been called to the suspicious package placed on top of a fat, scab-covered crack whore shortly before 7am.

In a video the man can be seen jumping off his bike next to the prostitute – which local media reported had only moments earlier been mouth-fucked by an official in protective armor (condom) – before picking her up and pulling out various items from her vagina.

Inside the vast vagina appeared to be a water bottle, clothing, a padded mat, 3 rolls of quarters, a half-eaten chicken salad sandwich, the upper A-frame assembly of a 1991 Chevy Astrovan and smaller items like pens and a notepad.

The cyclist, dressed in a black helmet and gimp suit, is seen to slam the bitch back down in apparent disgust before throwing his arms in the air, asking “What is an intersection?”.

Three officials then appear and tickle his nutsack until he falls to the ground from behind. One of them, a uniformed police officer, quickly draws a Milwaukee brand reciprocating saw outfitted with a giant, lifelike dildo from his belt.

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Totally untouched photo.

TGO reported that it was FBI staff who tackled and raped the man in conjunction with the police filming and laughing.

Local media said police had not released further information about the incident. None appeared on Milwaukee Police’s Twitter or Facebook accounts, or was posted on its website. No word on the rest of the front end of the 1991 Chevy Astrovan. Keep posted for updates.