It is NEVER too early to prep for Christmas. Here’s a list of wonderful products on the market!!
The Fat Magnet. Just sit it in your bowl of slop and it pulls the fat out for you. Life hack: shove this right up your bottom hole to pull the fat in your body out your hoodle. Totally works.
Spend all day slicing stubborn bananas? We have an appliance for that!
I bet these premade eyeshadow stickers will look so natural. Really bring out the red on your Budweiser can.
Having trouble adjusting to life outside of prison. Lock up your commissary snacks to feel at home anywhere you go!
They are for her! Maybe they are covered in lube?
Need to take a piss in public? Great, just pull out your piss club! No one will ever suspect it!
Need to go number 2, but still really love golf? Practice your putt while you poo! (Unless you are a pro, then you can still use your club. Hole in one?)
THE daddy saddle. Nothing says uncle-daddy like one of these!
Need your nose reset because you can’t keep your mouth shut? Perfect, this gizmo will do the trick. No pesky insurances poking around either
This is a special part of “how to raise a liberal” starter kit. Pay starving children in Thailand $0.00854 an hour to make you look like a complete douchebag and raise a spineless entitled shithead 🙂
Wowzaaaa a self stirring mug! Take lazy up a notch with this beaut! Lucky for you we labeled it with the name “self stirring mug” so your co-workers know your level of douchery from afar!
No time to pet your pet? We got this. This is also useful for weekends with dad as per the family court. No time for bonding with your kids. Give that baby a bottle and the ol pat pat will save you tons of time and therapy bills!!
Cinco de selffffiiiieee. Too drunk on May 5th to post on social media… do not fret
When I think of all the work involved in putting on socks… I think… let’s make this a challenge!
No need to pack a picnic blanket.. I’ve got my douche canoes on!
This is way easier than popping a squat anyway!!
A sponge mic for all those shower performances … This is made by the band disturbed!
Take petty up a notch by locking your roommate out of the TP! Because.. fuck that
Life hack alert
Ever have a problem with eating an Ice cream cone? Now you can!
When your small time drug dealing business takes off and you can afford gadgets like this to make ironing your grill cheese easier
THE great news about this is if this chicken can already fit in a can.. it can probably replace teddy the hamster in your felching games
Diet water. Why didn’t we think of that?!
Because who wouldn’t want a more obnoxious version of Hillary Clinton around?
More games for virgins!!
In case your house always stinks like shit.. get this poopy alarm so you know where this stink is coming from!
For the girl who doesn’t give blowjobs
I always wanted to hear my dog tell me she’s hungry and needs to take a dump all day. It’s like having a real life Bulgingsnake in your house!
Balls. Give the gift of teabagging
THE daddypack. Now you can sneak beer into your daughters recital !
Now we’re talkin. Make room in the doublewide! Babies potty/babysitter is here
No need to make Baby carry that watermelon anymore!
Stay classy alabama!
It just makes good sense
Dogs always trying to rape your pet? Distract them with this thong. I know what you’re thinking.. “dressing like that is asking for it”, but these thongs come equipped with state of the art penetration safe mesh developed by NASA. No rapes allowed.
What would your first purchase be?