Florida (TGONN) Bulgingsnake’s second State of TGO address will not take place on Tuesday, an aide to his dog’s cleanup crew told TGONN.
The aide confirmed that the address, which was originally scheduled for Tuesday, will not happen — answering a key question about the address’s fate in the wake of the reopening of a can of sardines packed in Louisiana Hot Sauce.
At a news conference Friday following Snake’s announcement that there was a deal to end the New Year’s Resolution, Rockmomster said, “The State of TGO is not planned now.” The rockin’ hotty added that discussions about the date of the address would take place after the smell of nasty-ass canned fish had dissipated.
Snake’s director of strategic communications OneMatGang said Monday that TGO has been in discussions with his mailman about rescheduling the address and that he “doesn’t give a shit. Do what you want.”
In order to give an address like the State of TGO to a joint session of Congress, Snake will likely need to grow a thick beard. Expert’s believe that to achieve this, Snake will need to stop shaving his face no later than 4:15 p.m. today.
Snake’s State of TGO address originally faced uncertainty earlier this month when he did his impressions of himself being fucked in the ass from the perspective of many different cultures. What specifically caught one eagle-eyed viewer was his presentation of a Mexican, in which he simply shouted “BEAN BURRITO!”
We showed TGONN Mexican Correspondent Miguel Cerrano the video in question, and he said “I never heard any Mexican man say anything about being fucked in the ass.” This reporter suggested that maybe instead of saying “I got fucked in the ass!” that maybe simply shouting “BEAN BURRITO” was the way it would go down. Cerrano looked disgusted, cursed in Spanish and said, “Can I just finish drying your truck, Steve?”
TGONN’s Ketsy Blein, Flare Coran and Jim Beam had absolutely nothing to do with this report.