Saturday night is for formication

When I was a boy we didn’t have time for the dainty bits of life. Men worked hard and women were raised to work harder. If you had a problem with a fella you were supposed to let that fester till Saturday night. Saturday night was a cure all for the people. Now a days the kids have gone all punky in the spine. No longer do they pull the plow by day, and drink the grain by night. The kids these days want to play first person shooter perspective games (how the fuck do these controllers work?) they want to listen to auto tuned dudes in pink jackets singen about stayin up all night to get lucky… when I was a boy we got lucky down by the river damn near by noon. Why I bet these kids don’t even have a clue about how to obtain enough pseudoephadrine to go along with a pound of red phosphorus. That’s why I threw in the towel on the city life and moved out here to the GreatOutdoors, out here we got good fresh air, fast women and loose cars. 

“How do these controls work”

Fuck I died
Diggen for days still can’t get these bugs outta my skin

Now I gotta ask ya when was the last time you got down and had you a good formication binge? I like to get myself all set with a big mirror, you know the kind that kinda magnify the pores? Well I get that and I get my foilies and I commence to commencin’. Now if you’ve never exfoliated I understand that all the propaganda is slanted against having that fresh picked look. If you ask me though, there’s something vulnerable about a girl who’s skin says “open sore”. 

So tell me outdoorsians how do you stop the crawling? Hot lighter? Safety pin? Oil baths? Radiation therapy?

Everyone has their own “go to method” and your sharing here could help the community avoid a lifetime of scaring.