Space Tard Profile: The Imperial Royal Tard

Anyone who has seen the original Tard Wars trilogy will remember these characters as silent escorts for Emperor Palpatine. But who were these guys?

The Imperial Royal Tards were an elite group. Tasked with protecting the Emperor 24/7. When The Emperor was walking the Death Star halls, they’re with him. When he sleeps the Royal Tards are there. When the Emperor was taking a shit or jerking off, he was flanked by men in red robes.

These men were hand selected for there extreme Tardness. Your average Tard became a soldier. The good Tards were elevated to Storm Troopers. But the Tardest Of The Tards became Imperial Royal Tards.

Why were these Tards never shown in action? Because of their Tardness, duh. They basically just stood there. Once a day they had to have their diapers changed, but that’s about the most action they get besides handing the Emperor a jizz rag when he needs one.

Do you have a favorite Imperial Royal Tard moment?