This is Uilick’s mother, Agnes Hynes.
Uilick’s real name was Andy. He was the baby of our family, the last of 4 children, growing up in the late 1980’s / early 1990’s in Dublin, Ireland.
Andy (or Andrew as I properly christened him) would want me to talk to you all about who he was, and how he lived. He loved TGO, loved movies, and kept strangers at arms length. Andy struggled to make friends and excel in school, often escaping into drawings and stories to find a release from the harsh realities of this world.
Andy was shot dead in a high-stakes drugs-bust between the Dublin mafiosa underworld, and a splinter-cell off-shoot of the Mexican cartel. He was found, mashed up into an oil barrel, with his severed genetalia stuffed down his throat. He lived for 4 days on life-support before pulling his own plug like the mad bastard that he is.
He is survived by a sister and brother. Being the last unwanted offering to burst into existence through my reproductive system, it’s safe to say he did the most damage on the way out, tearing all sorts of muscle tissue, and all-round ruining the play-action of my vaginal walls. And all that ruined on a burn-out.
Thanks to Uilick, I’m pretty much useless to a man sexually, unless he straps a tree-trunk on as a condom. FML. God bless TGO!