Letter To XFL: Team Names and MicroPuds

I took it upon myself to write the XFL a letter. I’ve decided to share this letter with TGO and will do the same with any responses that I received:

To whom it may concern,

As a football fan that watched the very first XFL game on TV, and attended a couple of San Francisco Demons games I must say that I’m excited about the upcoming resurrection of the XFL. Eight cities, eight teams, and more football. The more football is what is most important to me. Anyone who doesn’t have time for more football is either married or owns a house, and I’ll be honest with you, neither of those apply to me. Not anymore anyway, but I digress. As I am respectful of your time, I will get to the point.

It’s a different world now than it was in 2001, and any socially responsible business venture needs to be mindful of not offending the general public. It just becomes a hassle to have some random basement dweller go onto Twitter proclaiming to speak for a special interest group that makes the company’s PR Department work overtime because it’s impossible to predict what will start ‘trending’. For that reason, the New XFL should avoid names such as the ‘Hitmen’, ‘Maniax’, and ‘Demons’. Hitmen glorifies murder for hire occupations, Maniax belittles those that suffer from mental illness, like my Uncle Ray, and Demons has the risk of offending both atheists and Christians alike. For this reason I’d like to propose a list of potential names for Mr. McMahon and Mr. Luck to consider. Those names are: Micro-Puds; Atmosphere Jumps; FBTs; and Winners. This is just to name a few.

Just think: The New York Mico-Puds coming out to do gridiron battle with the Tampa Bay Winners! The names don’t have to go to those cities, but everyone knows that New York is full of micro-puds and the greater Tampa Bay Area is full of winning. I’m open to other ideas, but those seem like the logical choice to me.

Thank you for your time. I look forward to hearing from The Genetic Jackhammer and from Wolverine’s Dad in the coming weeks.


Curt Amsan

PS: But you should keep the cheerleaders in the skimpy outfits. Everyone loves a cheerleader in a skimpy outfit.