Which Would You Rather?

If you were going to die from vehicular homicide, which fast food mascot would you want to be driving the car after a night of drinking and cocaine use?

Personally, I’d go with Long John Silver

He would hold me in his arms and apologize for his poor choices as I lay dying in the road. My last experiences in life will be his scratchy beard against my face, the smell of rum and parrot shit, and the burning sensation of his peg leg entering my anus as I fade from this world.