This all started about a year ago…..

There is a Family Dollar on the edge of my neighborhood. This is good, when I need alchohol, I just walk 5 minutes down the street. And I don’t have to worry about driving drunk.

Alcohol, Diapers, eggs and Coca-Cola are the main items I use this Family Dollar for. Family Dollar sucks, but goddamn, I love convenience.


I’ve lived in my neighborhood going on 4 years now, so I’ve seen a lot of managers and employees come and go through the days. I shop at this Shit kickin store just about every night (like I said, convenience).

When you’re at the same store every night, the employees get to know you through professional small talk. Regardless if I want to chat or not.

I’m attractive and I’m nice to people in public, people are always drawn to me. People constantly feel the need to open up to me (with great looks comes great responsibility).

If people could hear what was going on in my brain as they told me their goldfish went to the big place in the sky, they’d think I was the antichrist.


This brings us to James.

James was the latest Manager at the local Family Dollar.

James knows how to talk.

He’s the kind of talker that would hold up the check-out-line as he told me about stuff that I’d forget the second I left the store.

James is the kind of guy who would keep talking to me as I walked out the front door.

James is an alcoholic, the ” at work drinking, chatty kind of alcoholic”.


Several months ago I was shit faced as went to Family Dollar for some more wine. Since I was waisted, I didn’t mind talking to James.

We started talking about fishing (my Kryptonite).

James tells me of an awesome fishing spot in Tampa Bay. I give him my cell number, which I would never have done if I was sober.

Several months of James texting me wanting to hang out, and me ignoring him and making up excuses, I finally give in.

We go fishing.

This James guy is 50 years old and full of crap. He lies constantly about shit that nobody with half a brain would believe. Example, He told me that he watched Kurt Cobain in a recording studio fuck up songs because he was hi on heroine. James told me this happened in California, Nerva did their recording in Seattle.

James is always pulling BullShit out of his ass. I know he was trying to empress me, but it was an insult to my intelligence. Regardless, I just smile when he’s lying, I never call him out.


This James Saga is absolutely pathetic. The guy is 50 years old and doesn’t have a friend to his name, and lies about the dumbest stuff. I use to lie about dumb stuff in high school so I could fuck the bitches (as in, high school, not at age 50).


We went fishing 4 times with each other. We called these fishing trips our AA MEETINGS WITHOUT THE BULLSHIT. With both of us being alcoholics, we actually had something to talk about that was meaningful. He’d be sober for about 3 months, I’d been sober for 2 weeks.

I think God put James in my life to show me where I would be if I keep drinking. And it worked, I don’t want to be anything like this person.

I honestly wanted James to fight alcoholism and have a decent life.

Oh well.

He starts drinking again, gets fired from work and his 80 year old dad kicks him out of the house.


I told James I won’t get near him if he drinks. I have 2 kids, a fiance and I work. I don’t need to take in a stranger for extra baggage, like a stray dog.


This James character doesn’t seem to get the fact that I’m a grown man with a family. He still thinks the proverbial beach party is rockin on!

The only reason I’ll text this guy back, is so it’s not awkward if he shows up to the fishing spot when I’m already there.


I wanted this discussion to be really funny and I formative, but I’m at work. Anyway, here’s a text session with James to give you a good idea of what I’m dealing with.

Oh yeah, and this James guy is always telling me how rich he is. If you’re reading this, James, BUY A FUCKING HOUSE AND STOP LIVING IN YOUR VAN. And please don’t hack my family up.