568 DAYS ON THE CLINCH: CHAPTER II

I’VE DREAMT OF THE LIQUOR RIVER

The first 2 weeks on The Clinch were excruciating. I was detoxing without AC or any comforts from a modern home. I had a tarp for a roof and some clothing that I used as a pillow.

Basically I spent the first 2 weeks laying in the soothing, warm waters of the Upper Clich and eating ramen noodles (that’s why I bought those noodles to begin with, I knew I’d be to sick for fishing and trapping wild game). I couldn’t even read books to kill boredom, my head wanted nothing but another fix.

I would have dreams about The Clinch turning into vodka. I would float around with a ‘Red Solo cup’ drinking the Cool, liquor River without a care in the world. Standing on the banks of the endless Vodka river supply would be Angels in neon colors rooting me on as I solved life’s great mysteries of the universe.

Waking up at night, miles away from society with a flashlight that doesn’t work as you detox, sucks. You can’t go home, you can’t feed yourself (the visibility was less than acceptable for simple human needs of mobility). You just lay there uncomfortably as mosquitoes eat you alive. I deserved this punishment. But it was my own self induced punishment. I knew how to lock myself a way from temptations, I knew that this spot on earth at night (when I’d be at my worst with cravings) was the prison for me. Prison walls made out of trees, river and miles of hiking through the bush.

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I battled the desire for roughly 3 weeks to leave, go back to Knoxville Tn and drink myself to death. Finally my mind was starting to clear up. I’d lost nearly 20 pounds (detoxing next to a river and eating nothing but ramen is a great diet).

BAM! My senses are fully awake again. My eye sight is sharper than it’s been in years, my hearing is nothing short of brilliant (I hear everything). Time for survival, time for hunting and gathering.

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If you have half a brain and you’re reading this, then you’ve probably asked yourself ‘how does this clown know how to survive in the bush’?

I grew up hunting and fishing. I was obsessed with movies like Jeremiah Johnson and Deliverance. Since my parents were wealthy, It afforded me the opportunity for Outdoor Survival Training Camps when I was growing up. I even went to the Yukon with survival experts and lived off the land for 5 months. I’m a certified survivalist expert for North America. I use to get job offers to teach at these Survival training camps, but me being me, always declined these opportunities (videos games aren’t going to beat themselves, and that alchohol isn’t going to drink itself either).

The Great Outdoors will kill you if you don’t know what you’re doing (and even if you do know what you’re doing). Stories like Into The Wild (written by Jon Krakauer) about a young guy who sets out to live off the land then dies are warnings of ignorance.

I’m promise you, I’m more than qualified.