New California Election Law

TGONN – A new law in California will require candidates for president to send out pictures of their anus in order to appear on the primary ballot in March, 2020.

“States have a legal and moral duty to do everything in their power to ensure leaders have a polished looking rusty bullet hole” said California Gov. Gavin Newsom in his signing statement Tuesday. “The disclosure required by this bill will shed light on those who have an unclean rectum. It’s also my hope I get to see Kamala Harris’ poop hole as she spurned all of my advances during our days in San Francisco.”

Candidates will have to submit five years of anus pictures by November to be eligible for the primary ballot. California officials will post the photos online for the public to access and to use to create award winning memes and gifs.

Newsom insists the law is constitutional, but it will almost certainly face a challenge in federal court. San Francisco attorney Eric Milliken was reached for comment and said, “Who has five years of photos of their own fartbox? This is wholly unreasonable. I myself only keep 3 years of photos of my poop chute.”