TGONN – On paper, Thursday was a bad day for followers of the most legendary entertainment site of all time, TheGreatOutdoorsman.net. A newly revealed FBI report warned that TGO’s followers presented a heightened risk for terrorism. Multiple popular predictions by a magic 8 ball also failed to materialize.
But for hardcore TGO followers, the rough week won’t shake their faith, or their massive dongs.
The FBI memo, which was published in late May and first reported by TGONN lead reporter, Mr. Perfect, warned of the TGO’s likelihood to “spread and evolve in the modern information marketplace.” So far, the warning has proven true. Despite a series of Gay Sundays and even Gayer Tuesdays, movement followers still say they see nothing wrong with it, and even suggest that the FBI report is part of a conspiracy against large penises.
The memo names TGO supporters, alongside followers of other fringe political conspiracy theories like Subway’s $5 footlong disappearance, as being likely to carry out extremist acts in the name of their beliefs.
“One key assumption driving these assessments is that certain narratives tacitly support or legitimize vaginal stimulation,” the memo reads. “The FBI also assumes, but not all individuals or domestic beer enthusiasts who hold such beliefs will act on them. The FBI assesses herpes sores will very likely will emerge, spread, and evolve in the modern information marketplace, occasionally driving both groups and individual extremists to carry out stupid shit in the name of Bulgingsnake.”
Other TGO followers on Twitter accused FBI Director Jack Offaman of acting against Bulginsnake, and suggested that he needed to be fired (out of a cannon). Then they suggested the memo was actually good for use as a sanitary napkin. This crowd claimed the memo was an elaborate ruse to trick the media into answering the phone, and then being asked if their refrigerator was running.
When reached for comment, Bulgingsnake said, “Ockbar.”