As I’m sure you’re painfully aware by now, Uilick McGee will be making the first inaugural trans-continental TGO caucus this coming October 14th.
That’s right, I’m going direct to the source motherfuckers; the Castle Wolfenstein of winning, Bulge-central, Florida. This is a pretty unprecedented deal, kind of like a pen-pal meeting gone awfully wrong.
Me and Snake are pretty gel on a lot of things & I predict some ultra-crazy scenarios of awesomeness, but in order to get myself up to Snake’s standards, I need to make some significant fitness/lifestyle changes in order to make the grade.
Because this isn’t just some bullshit holiday. This is a raw Bulgingsnake experience:
1. Cut the Booze
This is probably the toughest of all, as it’s pretty much my only vice. I don’t shop, gamble, take drugs, or even fuck to excess. The sauce is effectively my only flaw in an otherwise admirable diamond. However, it’s important that I go over to the States with at least a sense of purity, so that all the inevitable depravities are exacerbated to heroic extremes.
Also I need to give Snake a decent shot of drinking me under the table.
2. Lose The Gut
Not as hard as it seems. I’m 12.5 stone, which comes in at 175 pounds. Now that’s not a bad weight for most men, but bear in mind, I’m from Whiskey Potato.
We come Leprechaun-sized.
So I’m looking to get myself down to 11 stone (155 pounds). That’s a nice, US-friendly weight that I can live with. It also off-sets the imminent calorie-bomb intakes that Bulgingsnake will insist upon (Eagle-steaks, victory fries & hero sodas to beat the band).
3. Game The Fvck Up
Snake is a beast in the gaming kingdom, and it’s impossible to keep abreast of this POS. He has conquered more Hard Modes, than I’ve sucked soft peckers.
And I like ’em soft.
Right now, I’m getting my peen wet with the Wolfenstein saga. Once I’ve whacked off on that, I’ll be cleaning up on MGS: The Phantom Pain on PS4, while stepping down memory-lane with Metal Gear Solid on the Playstation Classic.
Hopefully I’ll bullshit my way through the epic gaming sessions with some Lucky Fvcking Charms, assisted by none other than my Crock of Fvcking Gold.
Goddamn Mountain Boy don’t stand a chance against the luck of the Irish!
With all this in mind, what would you like me & Snake to get up to?
Please keep it dirty…