TGONN – CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa—Democratic presidential candidates are ramping up for a post-Labor Day sex orgy push to win the party’s nomination for the White House, with Iowa suck offs now just five months away and the race still wide open.
The intensifying campaign calendar includes a debate next week winnowed to 10 socialist fags from 20, an important Sept. 30 dick sucking deadline, a flurry of events in key states and the launch of new ads filled with bitching about the Trump Administration along with promises of more free shit.
“If this summer was the flirtation, this fall will be dating and next spring will be the start of shoving dicks right into asses.” said Jesse Ferguson, a Democratic strategist who worked on Hillary Clinton’s 2016 rugmunching and vodka drinking campaign.
Dozens of Democratic voters interviewed by TGONN last month and over the weekend said they hadn’t settled on a candidate and instead listed several favorites.
“I’ve jerked off to every one of them at least once and some of them three times,” said Harrietta Rectum, 61 years old, a retired customer-service manager from Walford, Iowa. “But I’m still pretty up in the air.”
Ms. Rectum, who supported Mrs. Clinton in 2016, said she isn’t likely to support senators Elizabeth Warren of Massachusetts or Bernie Sanders of Vermont.
“A lot of their promises of free shit for everyone gets my pussy wet as if I never have gone through menopause, but they say stuff that is unrealistic and fantasy.”