Meat Poisoning

Sharleen Ndugo has been “traumatized for life”. Her “body has been poisoned”.

It all started back in January. Gregg’s, the largest chain bakery in the UK announced it was releasing a vegan version of its ultra popular sausage roll. Vegans, queers, mimes, pussies, and weirdos all lined up around the block to try these new meatless treats

Last week Sharleen decided to give them a try and ordered two vegan rolls To Go. When she got home Sharleen took a bite of her vegan roll and immediately knew something was wrong.

“I’m carrying on eating and my heart starts beating like madness,” And then my stomach started turning upside down, I was like, ‘Whoa, what’s going on, this only happens when I consume meat’ My body is poisoned for life now, you know.”

This poor women’s insides are now permanently ruined. She expressed outrage because meat causes cancer and her choice to not eat meat was stolen from her.

Sharleen called the bakery and explained the situation. Gregg’s management apologized and offered her a full refund. And replacement vegan rolls. Not good enough. She called corporate headquarters. They offered her a $36 voucher. This was an insult. Her insides have been compromised. Sharleen demanded justice. She wants Rick Moranis to be shrunk down and injected into her bloodstream so he can scrub out all the poison. And she wants free vegan rolls for life.

What do you think this woman deserves for her pain and suffering?

Have you ever been poisoned?