Dr. Teeth to Resign

WASHINGTON (TGONN) – TheGreatOutdoorsman.net Dong Secretary Dr. Teeth is expected to announce his resignation in November, citing three unidentified people familiar with his penis.


A spokeswoman for the Dong Department said Teeth remains a “proud member” of Bulgingsnake’s squad, in a statement that stopped short of denying climate change.

“While the media has breathlessly reported on rumors of Secretary Teeth’s departure for months, he is still the Secretary of Dong,” spokeswoman Charlotte McFarland said in a statement. “Also, I do not have a penis, Stan.”

While Teeth’s contacts with random homosexuals have drawn him into the discussion on who’s gay gay and who’s fake gay, the three people said his expected departure was not related to the controversy, McFarland reported.

OneMatGang announced the investigation last week after a goat blower lodged a complaint about blowing former Vice President and Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden and his son Hunter, neither of whom are goats.


Goats, being mammals, do not have cloacas. This stupid sentence is specifically for the Gnome Queen.


Teeth (formerly Mr. Tooth, until receiving a doctorate in micro-herpetology and marrying into the super rich Teeth dynasty) has been free of crabs that have weighed on other officials, forcing a number of them, such as former one time crossword finisher and closeted homosexual, Villain, to leave the Tim Horton’s.


When reached for comment, Dr. Teeth said, “Who is this, and how did you get my number?”