Today’s Headlines

Donald Trump Controls The Weather

On the same day Iran retaliated for the killing of their General, Trump unleashed an earthquake on Iran near its nuclear power station. In another unconfirmed show of his power, it’s rumored Trump downed a Ukrainian plane. Just because.

Tim Allen Admits He Is Retarded

Back in 2010 Ricky Gervais hosted the Golden Globes for the first time. People got an early taste for his sense of humor when Ricky introduced two award presenters with the following quip;

“The first is an actor, producer and director whose movies have grossed over $3.5bn at the box office. He’s won two Academy Awards and three Golden Globes for his powerful and varied performances, starring in such films as Philadelphia, Forrest Gump, Castaway, Apollo 13 and Saving Private Ryan.

“The other… is Tim Allen.”

Tim Allen admitted the joke went over his head at the time, and he still doesn’t “get it” to this day. That poor Tard. Tards never know they’re Tards.

R.I.P. Kevin Bacon

Oh…Not THAT Kevin Bacon. PHEW! Footloose 2 is still a possibility

Billie Joe Armstrong Wants To Party At Your House

Bill recently posted a video where he talked about all the “mischief” involved in the recording of Green Day’s new album entitled Never Mind The Talent, Here’s Green Day. He goes on to say if you own a church, a parking lot, a barn, or just have a big yard and live in California the band would consider playing at your place. Of course he is kidding. Rich people don’t hang out with average slobs like you.

And that’s today’s Headline Snooze