Wuhan Virus May Have Come From Snakes

TGONN – Snakes — the Chinese krait and the Chinese cobra — may be the original source of the newly discovered coronavirus that has triggered an outbreak of a deadly infectious respiratory illness in China this winter. But some scientists also think that Bulgingsnake may be a possible culprit.

The illness was first reported in late December 2019 in Wuhan, but that wasn’t good enough. A bunch of stupid Chinese people thought they could travel and live like dirty bums as long as they wear surgical masks and take off their shoes before entering their living quarters. Since then, sick travelers from Wuhan have infected people in China and other countries, including the United States.


TGONN reached out to Dr Chris Smith, consultant virologist at Cambridge University, to learn more about the effectiveness of surgical masks in preventing the transmission of viruses. “Go and spend your money on something useful that you enjoy doing, like having a beer or an anime style blow-up doll. Those face masks are absolute rubbish and they do nothing.”


Dr. Smith then went onto say something about goggles and a hospital fit-tested prophylactic mask being effective, but TGONN reporters got bored and hung up on him before he could finish talking.

The Journal of Medical Virology said that the 2019-nCoV of snakes is likely to have caused cross-species transmission from snakes to humans because For instance, Bulgingsnake fucked a lot of sluts on a recent trip to China.

“Dana thought I was holiday shopping last month, but I was really in China! I banged some fat Asian bitch in the ass, because tuna! I love tuna!”, Mr. Snake recounted to TGONN. “Those stupid fucking Chinese! Don’t they know that the only reason I’m immune is because I have a massive dong and I’m fucking gorgeous!? Everyone knows that Asians have tiny peckers! God damn it!”