Tard Week: The Iowa Caucuses

TGONN – When most people think of Iowa, they think of corn and that baseball movie that Kevin Costner put out a long time ago with the guy who sounds like Darth Vader. It was of course the only Kevin Costner film that was any good. But Iowa is also known for the Iowa Caucus.


After months of debates, yesterday was the day that Democrats in Iowa could vote for their party’s candidates in the first step of the Democrat Primary. Democrats were so excited that they even had a mobile app built! Cause Hipsters!


But in true tard fashion they ended up screwing shit up. It fucked shit up so bad that people still don’t know who won the Iowa Caucus. The whole thing is reminiscent of when Democrats fell for a phishing scheme in 2016 which allowed the Russians to fuck them right in the ass. The older Democrats in charge of the party are just too tard when it comes to technology.


So candidates starting saying bullshit. For instance Joe celebrated even though he has no fucking idea what the vote count may be.


Elizabeth Warren used the uncertainty to talk more shit about rich people.


But good ole Mayor Pete… Now he is a man of the people! And boy does he know how to stay positive!


When TGONN reporters called the Iowa Democrat Committee for comment, the person just kept on saying ‘If you build it, I will cum!’