Amorous Angler Ascends


LAKELAND, Fla. (TGONN) — A Florida city shut down a section of a lake Thursday after receiving reports of a swarming Bulgingsnake. Turns out, the slithery creature was just celebrating Valentine’s Day a little early.

BS Whitehouse

The Lakeland Parks & Recreation department wrote on its Facebook page that a non-venomous internet icon congregated to mate near a traffic roundabout. It included one photo of the lake shoreline, which looked suspiciously like a penis being thrust into an anus.

Officials said Bulgingsnake is “generally not aggressive as long as people do not disturb him.”

Once mating is over, he is expected to go online with a fishing video.

The city said that Bulgingsnake is a native species of the world, only recently having been brought to the limelight.

“He is generally found resting in tree limbs over water or basking on shorelines. He is an important part of the ecosystem and should not be disturbed,” the Facebook post said. Nobody liked that shit, though, as the Lakeland Parks and Recreation department’s Facebook page is littered with Far-right, anti-semetic memes.

Lakeland is in central Florida, between Tampa and Orlando, far south of the Canadian border.Cash