White House Press Briefing On Mexican Beer Virus

TGONN – After a day of bitching about how Trunp is addressing the Coronavirus that originated in China, Trump held his first press conference in over 300 days to introduce a Coronavirus Task Force. A key point of criticism was that there isn’t a Coronavirus Czar. But Trump addressed that quite quickly in addition to the concern about whether the White House should ask for $2.5 Billion or $8 Billion for the task force.


Next Vice President Mike Pence took the podium where we heard him talk for the first time in 3 years, and he mentioned someone was once sick in Indiana after getting their poop hole plowed while he was the State’s Governor.


Then Secretary of Health and Human Services, Alex Azar took the podium. Mr. Azar didn’t really have a whole lot to say about anything since he is only in his role because Trump owed him a favor or some shit.


Finally the people who really matter on the task force spoke. Dr. Anne Schuchat of the CDC took the podium and essentially said the beer virus was a big deal, but that it hasn’t really hit the United Statss yet. Because real Americans don’t drink Corona. They drink Coors Light!


Finally, Dr. Tony Fauci, who is the Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases at NIH took time to speak. He was one short and ugly son of a bitch. He then got our hopes up about a vaccine before saying we won’t see it for at least another year and a half.

So in summary, some doctors said some shit but nobody cared because Donald Trump.