2020 feels like a car that somebody took a burrito fart in, and now we’re all scrambling to get out of it as quickly as possible.
Every year people pop their clogs. It’s sad, awkward, and sometimes boner-inducing, but that’s life! 2020 was no exception. That motherfvcker took its pound of flesh like all the others, so let’s take a quick knee for some of the notable departed.
Kobe
Terry Jones (bottom left)
Neil Peart
Kirk Douglas
Kenny Rogers
Max Von Sydow
James Lipton
Honor Blackman
Brian Dennehey
Bill Withers
Little Richard
Fred Willard
Jerry Stiller
Carl Reiner
Joel Schumacher
Sir Ian Holm
Ennio Morricone
Peter Green
Chadwick Boseman
Sean Connery
Eddie Van Halen
Diego Maradona
David Prowse
Hugh Keays-Byrne
Jeremy Bulloch
No doubt I’ve probably forgotten or overlooked numerous others, but damn that’s a pretty extensive collection of human talent. Makes one poignant about life and where I want to go after this shit-fvck of a year.
I think my New Years resolutions for 2021 will be to:
- Eat less bread
- Maintain a reasonable masturbation quota (“3 a day is quite okay”)
- Become a monk and make my own beer
- Wipe my ass with a puppy (preferably white)
- Read more
- Invest in Zoom
- Form a punk band and dissolve it after 1 album
- Beat my “Daily Dump” record of 5 solid deposits
- Scalp an elderly woman
- Marry an inanimate object
- Become a professional pool player
- Draw a giant cock on a beach
Happy New Year ya fvcking degenerates!
